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It is my purpose in this work to outline the truth of
God's revealed will concerning marriage, divorce, and re-marriage as it is written in the Bible. I take for granted that the text of the Scripture as I am able to read it in the old English is accurate, as God would have it to be,
and I will use that as His authority for me. To the best of my ability, I will attempt to take every text in the Bible into consideration, and find an understanding of the subject that honestly represents the intent of the entire
Word of God, and which does not violate any portion of it. As I comment on particular verses, I intend to provide a robustness based on general understanding
of other texts. While it may at first seem that I have added more in my commentary than what is explicitly found in the text, and while my thoughts may at times appear to be entirely unfounded and unwarranted, those familiar with
related texts should recognize the relevant principles clearly taught elsewhere in Scripture. Truthfully, I intend to discover and comment on every detail relating to the subject of marriage and divorce, and leave absolutely
nothing in this work that is not solidly based on the Word of God. As you find material that does not set well with you, please note it and continue reading. Should I not address every single issue in discussing a later text, and
should this be pointed out to me, I will gladly reconsider what I have written. If I have omitted anything at all, I would also like to become aware of this. I have no motive or benefit to remain in error here.In a
desire to be informal and open about this, I will admit honestly that I may have a personal agenda in pursuing this topic; I do not know for sure. I certainly have a keen interest in this subject as I, through no initiative of my
own, have become subject to the bane divorce on two different occaisions. While there is much common teaching on this subject, as I have come to find, there are many scriptures that do not seem to fit nicely into the commonly
accepted positions. I know what I have been taught. I am not interested in that, unless, in fact, it is truth. I seek to know the truth of God from His Word on this subject; I want to know His Mind and Heart for me
in this area of my life. There are also many others who have been touched by divorce in some way or other, who would be sincerely interested in what the Bible really has to say about it. While it is true that many
have already written of these things, it seems that most have done so with a desire to please a certain audience, or to make money on the subject. All publications I have reviewed appear to be confined to what is culturally
acceptable such that publishers will be inclined to promote it. I, for one, am not bound by cultural expectations, nor am I satisfied with the teaching of those who are. I do not care if this study is ever published or received. It
doubt seriously that it ever will be. I certainly would not expect the truth of God concerning marriage to sell well in a feministic culture. So be it. In trying to sort through the myriad of perspectives and claims
that have been held in this particularly practical area, as I began to study this subject, I was unable to derive a straightforward teaching that accommodated the entire scope of Scripture. To sort through all of it, I felt the
need to write it all out and capture it. Without a careful and comprehensive study, I felt certain that I would remain unconvinced of the will of God for me in this area. As with any subject, a complete walk through the Bible
considering all relevant texts in harmonious balance is all that will satisfy me. I need the truth of God for myself, whatever that truth is. While I write mostly to myself, it is my hope that you will be encouraged by truth as a
partaker with me in my journey. As a bit of background, let me take the liberty to tell you some of my personal experience as it relates to this subject. Perhaps you will find this improper, perhaps refreshingly
honest and open, I do not know. I suppose I do it primarily so that you may understand my reference, and anticipate my bias, if there is one. While I try desperately to remain objective and honest in this study, when this work is
finally judged it will certainly be found that I have failed in some way; I would rather have you keen to my perspective so that you might reject that which is not of the Lord, if indeed you perceive something here that is not of
Him. I would like to be found as an honest expositor of the Word of God, but I feel incapable of ignoring my experience in this matter. I know that my pain weighs heavily in me, despite my efforts to be objective. We all have this,
particularly in practical matters. Feel free to see my pain, as well as my position, as I find it. This personal revealing also helps me to understand myself, I suppose: when one puts things in writing, many of the
vapors and mists of the heart are overcome with light. It may very well be that my pain and tragedy will be the means for God to reveal some things to me in His Word that have evaded others, which will greatly benefit the saints.
That is my hope, truthfully. In any case, relevant personal facts are as follows:
My wife LR and I were legally married for fourteen years; we have three children. Neither of us now claim to have been Christians at the time of our marriage, though we both thought that we were both Christians when we first became acquainted in a fundamental, evangelical church.
During our courtship, through the entire time of our marriage, through our divorce, and for some time afterwards, I was solidly convinced that my wife was God's selection of a sole lifetime mate for me.
I have reason to believe that my wife was satanically moved (direct, unnatural, physical control of her body outside of her intended will) to accept my proposal of marriage to her, against what she
considered to be her better judgment. She has never at any time been convinced of God's will for her in the matter of our marriage, as far as I know. During our engagement, I came to realize that my wife would be very difficult to live with; I married her in spite of this because I "knew" that it was God's will for me. Similarly, she followed through with the wedding, under severe hesitation, and married me, she says, in order to keep from embarrassing her father. Two years into the marriage, I did leave my wife, without caring if it was proper or not. I believe that I was personally confronted by God about it, and instructed by Him to return to her. I did so.
Shortly after this experience I became a believer: a Christian. Just prior to our final separation, I pled with God to deliver me from this woman, as from my spiritual enemy. I also, in a separate instance of prayer during this same time period, pled with God to do
whatever it would take to reveal more of Himself to me and draw me closer to Himself… anything. Weeks after these prayers, I was approached by a demonic entity and told that my wife would be taken from me in four days, if I did not compromise my integrity in a trivial issue, one that would not have
been of even slight concern to most who consider themselves to be Christians. I refused. God indicated to me that He was going to allow this devastation in my marriage and family. He offered me no insight into His purpose in it. Shortly after this, exactly as predicted by the enemy, to the hour, after twelve years of marriage, my wife left me. My children are doing quite well, three years into the separation (6/97), and seem healthier to me now than they were during the marriage. They do not appear to actively wish that my wife and I be
reconciled, as far as I can tell. Throughout our marriage, my wife and I were seldom comfortable or content; I was nearly constantly nervous in the context of it, she was regularly distressed and unhappy. We remained consistently and predictably open to the wiles and attacks of the devil, and were given to frequent and severe fighting and quarreling, beyond my personal ability to resist and avoid.
This was a constant source of discouragement and defeat for me in my walk with the Lord, and a tremendous grief to my wife. I could not honestly say, most of the time, that she was a good wife to me, that I appreciated her has my wife, or that I thought well of her. She repeatedly told me during the marriage that she did not want to be married to me, and that if she had any place to go where she would be safely received that she would not stay with me. She threatened to kill me many times, and there were times that she attempted to do so. I often (perhaps weekly, at least monthly) wished her dead so that I could be free of the marriage. After she separated from me I felt genuinely thankful for the preservation of my sanity. When she left me I immediately began to heal from the emotional and mental pain and damage that I had suffered during the marriage. Most that know of this through me, both in the church and in the world, have told me that I am in no sense obligated to remain faithful to this marriage or to her, and that I should be thankful to be
delivered from it. The exceptions to this (for both of us) are my mother, the pastor that was our shepherd at the time of our separation, and a personal friend that knows both me and my wife. My wife has told me plainly and often that there is nothing that I can ever do to remedy this situation or be reconciled to her. My wife has repeatedly stated that she would be relieved if I married another woman. I am reasonably certain that my wife is still not a Christian, though she is quite religious. I am convinced that Satan broke up our marriage, with God's permission, by taking full control of my wife's mind and heart with respect to me and our marriage, through her fear and arrogance. My wife also agrees that Satan broke up the marriage, but will not admit to any wrong in her pursuit of the divorce. I am reasonably certain that my wife currently (6/97) remains sexually pure and uncommitted to another man. I am certain that God has been silent with me about His ultimate intentions with the relationship. I have, until recently (4/97), been of the opinion that I am biblically obliged to wait on my wife to be saved and granted a change of mind about destroying our marriage, until she either: I have persistently sought reconciliation with my wife at my own peril, not in the context of having a better marriage but because I thought it was proper before the Lord, and because I could not
understand how He could want a marriage, that He apparently ordered and ordained, to be permanently broken. The most dramatic Divine confrontation that I have perceived in my life up to this point (12/97), has been God's direct dealing with me concerning the idolatry in my own heart toward my marriage, and His
request for me to receive this separation as His will for me and to internalize it instead of resisting it. I am certain that God has pointedly instructed me not to pursue a spiritual warfare to recover my marriage, and I am certain that He has instructed me to give this marriage back into His hands to do with
as He pleases. I have done so. My marital experience reminds me vividly of the struggle between God and Israel in the Old Testament, as my struggling with my wife's contentious, complaining, rebellious spirit reminds me profoundly of
God's displeasure with the Jews, both as they wandered in the wilderness and as they rebelled against Him throughout their stay in the Land of Promise. I have had an uncanny sense since the separation began that God was going to permit a prolonged separation and my remarriage to another woman for some unforeseen good in His eternal plan. Based on my previous understanding of the Scriptures on this subject I have fought against this sense with all of my might -- nearly to the point of committing myself to a lethal fast if He would not
relent -- to no avail. If I were to summarize my practical experience in this marriage it would be thusly: the marriage was a result of ground given in my life to Satan through my idolatry concerning marriage; God intervened to
redeem me from destruction and turned the marriage into a scourge to purify me and drive me to Himself, finally delivering me of it righteously at my earnest request. Satan meant both the marriage and its destruction for
evil, but God has turned both of these things to good. Though I do not feel that marriage is an absolute necessity for me, I do not have the gift of celibacy and I perceive that I am not thriving as I ought without the companionship of a godly spouse.
I hope that this preface has not been a burden to you. Pardon my transparency if it was.If you are interested, here is my conclusion
to the whole matter, as it relates to my particular situation. back
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