home
site map
back

 
Despising Dominion

To violate the concept of a husband's authority in the home, to detest it, or to resent it is a profoundly wicked thing. The order of created beings, including the husband's position of authority over his wife, is of great significance in the spiritual realm.

Its importance can be seen in the interaction between angelic beings, which are also part of the divine order and submit to it, being above Man and below Christ. Within this order the angels respect the higher position of one very wicked being ... none other than Satan himself ... who yet retains an exalted position in the divine order.

All men are of an inferior position to all angels (Heb 2:7a: "Thou madest him a little lower than the angels"), and therefore to Satan in the divine order, and must be deeply respectful to Satan for this reason. Very few understand or walk in this truth today, in this day of unbridled rebellion, bringing upon themselves great wrath. Such frowardness was common in the early churches as well. Consider the following text in Jude 8-13:

Likewise also these filthy dreamers defile the flesh, despise dominion, and speak evil of dignities. Yet Michael the archangel, when contending with the devil he disputed about the body of Moses, durst not bring against him a railing accusation, but said, The Lord rebuke thee. But these speak evil of those things which they know not: but what they know naturally, as brute beasts, in those things they corrupt themselves. Woe unto them! for they have gone in the way of Cain, and ran greedily after the error of Balaam for reward, and perished in the gainsaying of Core. These are spots in your feasts of charity, when they feast with you, feeding themselves without fear: clouds they are without water, carried about of winds; trees whose fruit withereth, without fruit, twice dead, plucked up by the roots; raging waves of the sea, foaming out their own shame; wandering stars, to whom is reserved the blackness of darkness for ever.

"Shall the thing formed say to Him that formed it, 'Why hast thou made me thus?'" (Rom 9:20) No. Certainly not. God is the Creator. The creature stands silent before the Creator. God has placed Man as the head of Woman, and has defined Woman's place in the home, in the church, and in the culture as that of a follower, that of a servant, that of a helper. Woman is to meekly receive this role and fulfill it as unto her Creator.

Under Obedience

General teaching given to all women is consistent with this submissive, reverential demeanor. A woman is to be "under obedience" in public assembly as well as in the home, in a sense that is different than that required of a man. The Law of God is clear, "Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak, but they are commanded to be under obedience (hupotasso), as also saith the law." (1 Cor 14:34) Being "under obedience" is equivalent to subjection and consistent with holy shamefacedness.

Note first that this command is given to the men of the church concerning the conduct of "their" women. Women are not even addressed directly when giving order to the church ... the men are told how their women are to behave. In this command, women are referenced as belonging to and under the authoritative jurisdiction of men and are not addressed as part of the decision making body of the church. God addresses the men concerning how women should conduct themselves in public. The men, in turn, must pass this instruction on to their respective women.

Further, this directive of God explicitly requires women to refrain from public speech in the assembly of believers. This command is more than a call to a common courtesy applying to all believers; it is a call for women in particular to be subordinate to the men of the assembly in the context of divine order. God says the same thing repeatedly in three different ways here: He says it positively -- women are to keep silence ; negatively -- it is not permitted unto them to speak; and in conclusive summary -- they are commanded to be under obedience. The command is given both as a common natural law and also as a formal legal requirement. How could this principle possibly be stated with more clarity, directness or strength? I cannot see how it might be.

God makes certain that we are aware that this instruction is not simply a matter of local prudence in managing ancient congregational order: it is a principle that is clearly stated in God's Law, Torah. (vs 34c) Where is this stated, that women are to keep silence in the congregation of believers?

The congregation of the Lord is mentioned many times in Torah (see De 23:1-3, 8, Joshua 22:11-34). It is a reference to the entire assembly of men that were to appear before God thrice annually as a collective national assembly. (Ex 23:17, De 16:16). Women were not invited to this assembly, and all of the able bodied men were commanded to attend. Three times in a year all of the men were to come together to worship God and commune together, and would doubtless form long-lasting friendships with men from distant communities and share concerns and insights regarding national welfare and spiritual truth with each other over the years. When there were difficulties or concerns that arose during the course of the year these men would likely discuss them and encourage and challenge each other when they came together. It was an elegant system to strengthen the men of the nation, to call them all into ownership in the spiritual welfare of the nation, to recount and reinforce the commands of God to the nation, and as a check against the potential for corruption in the Levitical priesthood itself.

An example of the national unity provided through these regular meetings and how they engaged the men of the nation in its leadership and governance can be seen in Judges 20, where the entire nation of men gathered together to discuss and resolve a national disgrace. They acted purposely and successfully to rid the nation of a disgusting sin that had sprung up unchecked in one of their tribes and thereby threatened the very survival of the nation.

Despite the evidence that this principle of male leadership and female silence and submission has been grounded in Torah itself, the precept is ignored in most assemblies today, as if this were an inexplicable aberration, some ancient cultural anomaly. Apparently, modern feminists feel that being in subjection implies a disvaluing of woman and an encouragement to unhealthy weakness. However, this is neither a contempt for the value of Woman nor an attempt to bring her into weakness -- this is a call for Woman to yield her strength to divine control.

No mature Christian is weak in Christ, whether brother or sister. No, this is not weakness nor sickliness described here, but vibrant and wholesome submission to the will of God in the home and abroad. The godly wife is "under obedience," continually subject to the rule of her husband and other authority, and content to function within it. She is quiet, compliant, cooperative and helpful in any matter legitimately directed or initiated by her husband.

Silence is found in godly women in the presence of those leading the assembly of the saints; even when there is a question they would like to ask, godly wives will "ask their husbands at home, for it is a shame for women to speak in the church." (1 Cor 14:35) This expression of the subjection of women in the church and in the home is repeatedly and abundantly made clear in God's Word. "Let the woman learn in silence, with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression." (1 Tim 2:11-14) She is not to be leading, teaching, directing, coaching, manipulating, criticizing, mocking, interrupting, challenging, or even publicly inquiring or interjecting her opinion in the open meetings of the church. The woman is simply to learn in silence.

While it is certainly appropriate for a woman to participate in public prayer and singing (Ex 15:20-21, Judges 5:1, 1 Cor 11:5), to offer personal testimony in the church (John 4:29, Matt 28:10), to offer appropriate comments and insights during personal discipleship and saintly communion in the presence of men (Acts 18:26), and to offer her opinion and counsel in difficult situations when approached by others for it (Judges 4:4-5) it is also abundantly clear that she is to continually maintain an attitude of quiet meekness and cooperative helpful submission, certainly not imposing herself as an authoritative or forceful presence in the assembly of the saints (or in the presence of any man) or seeking to initiate, direct or correct the flow of worship, exhortation or teaching in the congregation. In any mixed group, silence is to be her general choice and humble reverent subjection is to characterize her general disposition and demeanor.

As Unto the Lord

Dear wife, this submissive disposition, this fearful reverence that you are to maintain before your husband, in heart, in word and in deed, is not a light thing nor a superficial and casual tendency. You are to earnestly and deliberately "submit yourself unto your own husband as unto the Lord."

This God-honoring motive is perhaps the single-most important facet to remember in all of God's instruction to you. The fact is plain: your husband does not deserve this reverential treatment. He never will. The Lord Jesus Christ deserves it; every thing that you do to your husband or for him is done as unto Jesus Christ and for Him. Remember that He -- Jesus Christ -- is the primary recipient of your attitude and ministry in the home... not your husband.

Jesus Christ is your heavenly Lord, and He has given you an earthly governor to minister to as unto Him. Not with eye-service, as a man-pleaser, only outwardly concerned for your husband's pleasure while under his inspection, but always from your heart, as unto the Lord Himself, whether your husband is about or not.

Such godly motivation is earnest and sincere and persistent, actively seeking the will of your husband in everything and looking to please him in all things. It goes beyond a grudging compliance with commands, or a careless ignorance of his good pleasure; it is a deliberate seeking of your husband's will. What is it that your husband wants of you? That is your duty, and should be your daily pleasure.

Does your husband want you at home, or working outside the home? Be where he would have you to be. Do not usurp his authority because you think you know better. Submit to him even if you think he is being unwise, and pray fervently for him.

Does he desire physical intimacy with you in some manner which you find unpleasant, at times or seasons that are not convenient, or more frequently than you find comfortable? That is his right and you should not deny him. Do all that you are able to do to please and satisfy him, and seek God for grace to do it joyfully, passionately, aggressively, willingly, and heartily. This is fundamental to your calling in God. You do not have authority over your own body in marriage; you belong to your husband. (1 Cor 7:4a) Render unto him due benevolence, loving kindness, and sincere intimacy as frequently as he desires and according to his pleasure.

Does your husband like your company when he is fishing? at a football game? on the golf green? camping? Go with him. You are his companion, called alongside him to commune with him, minister to him, encourage him, and comfort him. Become acquainted with his interests, become aware of his concerns, share his dreams and his hopes. Be quick to share his burdens and carry them with him. Encourage him and promote him. Be one with him in work and rest and play as much as he desires and as you find that you are able.

Does he wish to employ your daily creative efforts in home schooling your children? Do your very best to train and educate his children as would please him in all diligence and wisdom. Be where he calls you, doing whatever is his pleasure. Your service to him is as unto Christ; resist your husband only as you find it righteous to resist the Lord Jesus Christ Himself.

Does your husband want your hair long? Does he like it short? Does he find your dress immodest, or unappealing? Does he find your makeup loud? gaudy? too light? What is his pleasure? Correct it with his guidance if it is of any concern to him at all. You are to be discrete and chaste, pure and upright, altogether godly and virtuous. Make yourself as attractive in his eyes as you are able. You are his representative in the home and in the culture. If your appearance is of any concern to him, yield to his discretion and seek his pleasure. He should not find any trace of discomfort in your appearance or in how you conduct yourself in public.

Is the home too messy? Or are you spending too much time over-cleaning it? What is your lord's pleasure? That is your way.

Seek to know your husband's will in every matter that you can know it. Seek his pleasure and find his will, as though it were God's will for you: it is... unless your husband's intent for you is plainly sinful. This is your primary calling in God.

There is nothing outside the bounds of your Heavenly Lord's domain in your life, thus nothing outside the scope of your husband's legitimate concern: you obey your husband in all things even as unto the Lord: He has plainly said... "in every thing." (Eph 5:24) Count your husband's will as the will of your heavenly Master in all things, so long as your husband is not forcing you contrary to the plain commands of God. Obey your husband in reverence and godly fear, not grudgingly, but heartily, as to the Lord. Be faithful, dear one, in your service to your King, by serving your husband as a king.

Head of the Wife

"The husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands..." (Eph 5:23-24a) As Christ, the Head of the Church, owns His bride and all that she is, rightfully ordering her conduct and service, so does your husband have at his disposal all of your ability as a woman in Christ. This, essentially, is the nature of servanthood. Your energy and skill, your talents and industry, your wisdom and gifting are all of God and are given to you for the purpose of ministering to the man He made you for, the man God Himself has set over you as your head.

Your husband is your head; he is, "the head of the wife." As such, he owns you; all of what you have and are belongs to him as his property, his domain ... even as Christ owns the church. Your husband is responsible for his ordering of your life and where you spend your time. As your head, under whom you are placed as a subject, your husband rules over you as part of his household. (Esther 1:22, 1 Tim 3:4,12)

The head rules the body. The arms and legs and feet and hands, they all work in harmony with the head. Bodily members have no disconnected will of their own but are an extension of the mind and will found in the head. The body is the servant of the head in any healthy individual, being instantly and willingly at the disposal of the mind. When there is unity between the head and the body there is tremendous agility, mobility and strength. When there is any disconnect at all between them, the whole body is weakened and incapacitated... paralyzed – "A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones." (Pr 12:4) A rebellious woman incapacitates a man much like a broken neck... or very brittle bones in the body, which buckle painfully under the weight of any mild strain. No man can function fully and well in this condition. It is this way in the human body, between Christ and His Church, and between the husband and his wife.

As your head, your husband has stewardship over you in all things, and is responsible to God for how he governs you and for the manner in which you are occupied. If he gives you liberty and bids you to occupy according to your own judgment in areas wherein he has no preference, then seek the Lord's pleasure directly in these things and be accountable directly unto Him. Otherwise, there is nothing about you that you may reserve for yourself, any more so with your husband than with your Lord in the heavens. You are dead to yourself, denying yourself and taking up your cross daily. You do your husband good and not evil, all the days of your life together. Do this as unto Christ, in your love for Him, and He will reward you. Your husband also will very likely praise you. (Pr 31)

This responsibility the husband bears in his stewardship of your time and energy is not an explicit thing, but implied as you, in your submission to Christ, make yourself available to him as a resource. Certainly, a husband is not ultimately responsible for his wife's behavior in any legalistic sense. (Rom 12:14) Neither is a husband in any sense justified in forcing his wife to submit to him or in coercing or manipulating her. If he ever does so it is expected that most any woman will resent this as an unreasonable intrusion and respond negatively. However, as you submit yourself to obey Christ and seek to know and fulfill your husband's will, this implies a natural responsibility on his part to direct your helpfulness in a godly way and provide appropriate guidance and direction for you. This response in your husband will be your primary means of direction in a healthy relationship.

In addition, it is evident that a godly wife will also see things that her husband needs that are not communicated directly by himself, things revealed directly to her by the Lord via that extra-special perceptivity God usually gives to Woman. A devout woman will undoubtedly perceive things that her husband may not be able to perceive or understand; Father will reveal to a prayerful wife ways in which she can lovingly assist her husband to become all that God intends for him to be, and this direction will not be revealed directly by her husband. However, such ministry will never be something that irritates or grieves or discourages her husband, and will never contradict or undermine the direction provided explicitly through him. The idea is certainly not contentious manipulation, but loving completion and humble influence in her husband's life.

Every man has his blind spots, weaknesses of which he is unaware, sins and bondages of various kinds that limit his effectiveness for Christ and his husbanding of his wife; a faithful wife will be alert and sensitive to such things in order to protect her husband and lift him up. It is not her job to point out her husband's weaknesses explicitly, but to quietly minister to him as the Lord leads her. God has given her as an appropriate helper to her husband and her husband needs her ... he is not all that God intends for him to be alone without her, and therefore cannot provide ALL of the direction she needs in her ministry for him ... she must primarily seek wisdom and grace from the Lord to understand and perceive her husband's needs at all levels and for the strength to meet those needs in a godly manner.

There is certainly mutual dependence in this relationship (1 Cor 11:11): independent dictatorship on the part of the husband is certainly not the healthy norm intended by God. If the husband flaunts his authority in a demeaning dictatorial manner and resents his wife's help in areas where he is weak, he obviously damages and limits himself, as well as degrades his wife. Intrusive disrespectful, suspicious micromanagement of the wife is likewise destructive. Many men may be prone to this at times and this is certainly not a good thing. It is not an excuse for women to rebel, but cause for earnest prayer. It is easy to perceive that marriage will only work ideally when both the husband and wife submit to and follow God's pattern. Do your part in faithfulness to Christ and pray diligently for your husband that God will perform the same in him according to His pleasure.

This is the context of being a servant to your husband. You belong to your husband even as both of you belong to Christ. In every way that the Church is owned by and is devoted to the Lord Jesus Christ, find it so in your heart toward your husband.

In Every Thing

It is certainly natural for the carnal mind to arbitrarily limit the extent of the wife's yieldedness to her husband's desire. Many would claim that the examples and application given above are extreme and illegitimate, cultish and unsettling. However, God places a conclusive phrase at the end of His instruction to the wife to specifically develop this end: "As the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing ." (Eph 5:24) It cannot be stated more clearly. There is no matter in heaven or in earth in which the Church is not to be completely subject unto Jesus Christ with all reverence and joy. His call to His bride includes suffering for His name's sake ... He never promises her pleasure and ease. Even so there is no area of a wife's life in which she is not to yield to the will of her husband and to seek to please him, regardless of the difficulty or discomfort, unless he is directing her to violate an explicit command of God. There is no more room for a wife to maintain a resistant disposition toward her husband than there is for the Church to resist Jesus Christ. It cannot be said in the English tongue with more direct clarity than God has just said it.

A reverent, devoted, submissive, quiet heart will not correct, rebuke, resist, defy, disdain, or disregard her husband. She will not be casually remiss in obeying his intent in any manner of her service to him. A reverent wife will be attentive to the needs and desires and interests and ideas of her husband as a first and singularly primary priority. There is no distraction or worldly interest that moves her from his side or calls for her attention unless he bids her leave. All of her time belongs to her husband, and she is busy about those things that are pleasing to him. She will sacrifice her own interests and pleasure for his, and dedicate all of her energy and creativity to pleasing her husband as much as she possibly can in righteousness. She will listen carefully to his instructions, respectfully consider his opinions, and meekly receive his rebuke and correction. There is no inconvenience or discomfort that she is unwilling to endure for him, in seeking his welfare, lifting him up, encouraging him, and ministering to him. God will never reprimand a woman for serving her husband too much, making him too happy, or being too good to him, so long as there is no direct violation of any explicit command of God. Her service to her husband cannot be too great, any more than her service to God can be too great. They are one and the same... she is to submit to her husband, "as unto the Lord."

However, obviously, we may not press this picture too, too far. The husband is not Jesus Christ and there is a very significant difference between a mortal sinful husband and the living God. The husband is not Christ to his wife. Certainly, there are some extreme cases where a wife should not walk according to her husband's wishes. It is clear that a wife is to maintain her ultimate allegiance to Jesus Christ and to refrain from cooperating with her husband when he is encouraging blatant sin. Incidents such as described in Acts 5, where Ananias and Saphira his wife agreed together to lie to the Church, indicate that a wife is morally responsible for her own decisions regardless what her husband wishes.

Saphira was aware of her husband's intention to deceive the Church and she agreed to support him in his deception instead of making an appeal to her husband to refrain from the sin and refusing to participate in it herself. While she should not have tried to actually prevent her husband in his plan if he chose to persist in it, which would have been to assert authority over him or to become insubordinate, she should certainly not have personally approved of the plan nor should she have participated in it. When questioned by Peter as to how much money her husband had obtained from the sale of their land, Saphira had a decision to make: to tell the truth or to lie. She should have told the truth. When she lied to Peter according to the sinful agreement she had made with her husband Peter pronounced judgment upon her and God struck her dead, as He had her husband moments before.

When a husband encourages behavior that is blatantly wicked, sinful, or immoral, the wife should voice her objection in a meek and quiet manner, refuse to engage in the sinful behavior herself, and pray fervently for her husband. If the sin is of such a nature that God would grant her freedom from her husband and marriage because of it -- as in the case of incest, abandonment, or extreme violence, it is reasonable to expect a wife to take practical and appropriate steps to actually prevent her husband from continuing in his sin. Apart from this extreme, a godly wife will act in her husband's best interests, encourage him in righteousness, subject herself to his authority in her life for Jesus' sake, and serve him well in loving humility and reverence.

The Wife See That She Reverence Her Husband

A wife's fundamental disposition in marriage is to be one of reverence toward her husband. This is key: "The wife see that she reverence her husband." (Eph 5:33b) This reverence is a deep respect, a humble quiet fear, a reverential awe, a gentle honoring of her husband. Reverence suggests a self-denying acknowledgment of what has an intrinsic and inviolate claim to respect. (Webster)

A wife is to "see" that she reverences her husband. That is, she is to make a diligent and careful effort to maintain a respectful mind and heart toward him at all times. This is, by definition, a matter of the heart, not something that can be mechanized or put on for show. Of the abundance of the heart one's mouth will speak ... or refrain from speaking, as the case may be. A wife is to talk softly in her husband's home ... speaking softly and reverently. It is not a casual or light thing for a wife to be disrespectful, irreverent, or condescending with her husband in thought, word, or in deed. It is a grievous sin.

The Greek word here for reverence is actually phobeo, meaning to be frightened or alarmed. (Strong) This fear is a true fear, rooted in a wife's respect for her husband's authority, causing her to be deeply concerned when she is cause for any displeasure in her husband. This reverence moves her to be careful to please her husband in her general demeanor and to obtain and maintain his regular approval of her choices and behavior. Her fear is legitimately derived from her husband's right to require obedience from anyone under his authority and to correct anyone in his home who violates his commands or disrespects his position.

And what place does fear have in modern evangelical teaching on the home? Absolutely none, frankly. Yet godly fear is the over-riding disposition that God directs women to retain in the marital relationship. What we find, sadly and consistently, is that modern marital counselors and teachers have largely missed the mark concerning God's plan for the home.

Honestly, in my opinion, there can be no mistake here, friend. God's Word is very plain to anyone who is willing to receive this truth. The principles being elaborated upon are timeless and godly, neither miss-translations nor the perverse disputing of corrupt minds. A wife's fearful reverence for her husband is not optional, it is commanded. The command is not dependent on the husband's obedience or holiness. The husband's love is not positioned as a necessary context in which a wife is to relate to her husband, neither will any other lack in her husband's demeanor diminish her duty. Reverence is truly of a singular, unconditional priority in a wife's relationship with her husband. The word phobeo is generally translated "fear," "afraid," yet here uniquely in an encouragement to every married woman in her walk with her husband: "reverence."

Reverence is akin to fear, being much deeper than admiration or even honor, yet consistent with such a heart, and blends nicely with the other dispositions promoted in women: the "chaste conversation coupled with fear," (1 Pet 3:2) the " ornament of a meek and quiet spirit," (1 Peter 3:4), being "under obedience," (1 Cor 14:34) "shamefacedness, and sobriety." (1 Tim 2:9) Reverence is a disposition that orders a wife's heart as she yields to her husband's pleasure and will, as she protects his interests, lifts him up and edifies him. It should permeate all that a wife does and all that she is as a servant of Jesus Christ in her marriage. Dear sister, as a daughter of Abraham, see to it that you reverence your husband.

In a final comment in this first text of Ephesians, let me say plainly, lest perhaps I be misunderstood, and to counter the inevitable misrepresentation that is so handily nurtured here, that as a wife you are not being called to a loss of your individuality as you subject yourself to your husband. Truly you are a unique and precious individual in Christ. In her subjection to Jesus Christ the Church does not lose her unique identity, her infinite value, and her intrinsic individual character. A godly wife does not stop thinking, worshiping, praying, and feeling deeply as a unique individual in Christ, and she is not being called to a slavish neglect of her personal dignity as a servant of God while she serves her husband. There are also times when submission to her husband's will is sinful: a wife retains moral responsibility before God, just as her husband does, and should never participate in blatant sin.

The illustration of the Church's subjection to Christ shows how there must be a hearty desire for unity and communion and a general tendency towards compliance in a wife's disposition toward her husband, but there is nothing about God's call to you as a wife that degrades you or infers that you should be treated ... or treat yourself ... like an animal. As a servant of Jesus Christ, you are infinitely precious and ultimately designed for and created for Him, for God, to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever. Your husband being your head does not imply that you are not a unique and fully functional and valuable person in your own right or that you are not morally responsible for your own decisions in life; it implies that your womanhood is to be centered in ministry to your husband for God's sake.

This first text in Ephesians is certainly rich with instruction to every wife. Though it touch relatively lightly upon her role in comparison to the emphasis placed on the husband's role, there is profound and abundant direction given to any married woman who is willing to receive it. It is instruction that she will likely only find in the pages of the Bible.

As It Is Fit In the Lord

The second passage of the three that address the duties of husbands and wives together is Colossians 3:18-19. God says to wives, "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord." This short text briefly reinforces what we have just seen in Ephesians, using the same word hupotasso, and adds that such submission on the part of the wife, though contrary to the way of the world, is wonderfully appropriate when viewed in the context of her relationship with the Lord.

When a woman resents this call, and thus disdains the order of God in the home and culture, she not only destroys her marriage, church, and family ... she witnesses loudly to her rejection of divine order, of divine principle, and of divine authority. She flaunts, as a rebellious generation against the divine hand, a blatant stubborn blasphemy in her life and words that drowns any other witness to the living God she might attempt. Any woman who does so while claiming Christ gives great occasion to the enemies of the Lord to blaspheme.

However, it is "in the Lord" that a wife's submissive disposition is found superbly fitting ... appropriate. In the Lord, a woman's obedience to her husband brings temporal blessing that extends into the spiritual realms. When a wife finally moves beyond herself, not walking in obedience merely because it works for her, but taking in the symbolic importance of her role in the home, she becomes a living picture of spiritual reality.

A woman who is living in the Lord, who lives out the truth of the divine headship of God over Christ, and the divine headship of Christ over the Church, will naturally also find it a pleasure to see this picture extended into the natural realm in the headship of Man over Woman, and more specifically in the headship of husband over wife. She will not find marital subjection to be appalling or distasteful, but a thing of beauty and wonder. It will move her more to worship than disgust.

Yes, it is fitting for a wife to be a living picture and example of the submission of the Church to God, and by her example to encourage all men and women to submit themselves similarly to the LORD God. In fact, there is no other picture in the cosmos of this divine relationship to replace the wife should she fail in her duty. In accepting her role symbolically, she puts on display for the world, for angels and for men (1 Cor 4:9) her selfless devotion to her husband for God's sake, reminding all of God's authority in her life and of her respect for God's authority in her husband, bringing both God and her husband great honor.

Likewise, Ye Wives, Be In Subjection

The last passage to consider that addresses mutual responsibility in marriage is 1^st Peter 3:1-7. The first six verses of this text explicitly address the wife's demeanor in her marriage in much the same way that Ephesians emphasizes the husband's role and disposition. This text is not often used as a key text in developing concepts of marital responsibility, even though this is the most penetrating section found anywhere in the Bible pertaining to the wife's role. It is, in fact, entirely undermined by the likes of J. Vernon McGee, who claims the text contains no command to wives, but rather is "voluntary ..." sort of ... suggestions from God. ( Notes and Outlines: 1 Peter) Once explored in depth, perhaps it will become apparent why this particular text is so troubling to feminists.

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel,  But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.

The exhortation given to servants in 1^st Peter 2, that they be subject to their masters with fearful respect, is repeated to wives in their conduct with their husbands in chapter 3. Both common servants and wives are encouraged by God Himself to walk in fearful reverence to and be explicitly obedient to their masters regardless of their master's disposition. Sarah, God's model for a wife in her conduct in her home, accepted this role of servanthood, acknowledging her husband Abraham as her master, and walked faithfully in it.

When Ye Be Buffeted ... Take It Patiently

The extent to which a wife should submit to an unreasonable man is partially developed in this context. As servants are to be subject to their masters with all fear, even when they are unjustly physically punished, in the same manner and to the same degree wives are to be subject to their own husbands in all things. This is the natural implication of the word "likewise" introducing this text, theoretically comparing the duties of wives and servants while plainly calling servants to patiently endure unjust physical suffering.

In between the texts we have considered here in 1^st Peter, we also find the example of Jesus Christ as He set the standard for all believers in being willing to suffer for righteousness sake. How far did our Lord, our Example, go in His obedience to God? "For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps: Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth: Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously:" (1 Peter 2:21-25) Our Lord went to the cross for us, suffering fierce injustice in all humility and patience. He uses His own example to encourage servants to render due obedience to their masters even when treated most unjustly. How far should a godly wife go in yielding to her husband for the sake of Him Who died for her? We dwell here for a moment to find some context to the extent to which a wife should continue in subjection to her husband when he is less than he should be.

As servants are to be subject to their masters with all fear, even when they are unjustly punished, in the same manner and to the same degree wives are to be subject to their own husbands. The limit established by God is when the abuse actually results in some permanent disfigurement: the wife is maimed in some way, or when the abuse is malicious, arbitrary or wanton. In such cases it is appropriate for proper civil authority to end the relationship and set the woman free from her husband. (Additional detail on the topic of divorce can be found in Is It Lawful .) But apart from this degree of severity, a wife is to tolerate harsh treatment patiently and submissively. Although such treatment is unjust and clearly inappropriate on the part of a husband, as well as being unspeakably painful for the wife, God is actually calling a woman to endure being physically abused by her husband as her ruler, and to continue to submit to him rather than to leave him unless this abuse is as devastating as abandonment (leaving her with insufficient food and clothing to function properly, or on her own to fend entirely for herself).

Without The Word

Dear daughter of Abraham, when your husband errs, do not correct him – that is God's work, not yours. "If any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives."

This text speaks to the general manner of persuasion that you are to use with your husband. If your husband is an unbeliever, you are to seek to win him to faith in Christ and to obedience to Christ through your own godly example. It is not generally with your tongue that you are to win your husband to righteousness, it is with a godly behavior that is so holy, so reverent, and so chaste that it catches his attention, draws his interest, and wins his admiration.

The power of a woman's tongue is profound. God's Word makes many references to it, and illustrates its devastating power in extremes (Pr 12:4, 27:15-16, 21:19, 30:23, Ecc 7:26). Death and life are in the power of your tongue, dear sister. God records men being vexed nearly to death under its lethal tortures. (Judges 16:16) You are forbidden to use your expressive powers to correct your husband and manipulate him. Your influence of him is to be, "without the word." You are to use your behavior and example, not your words, to win your husband to righteousness.

As this principle applies to a wife in relation to an unbelieving husband, so it does as well to the wife of a believer. The principle of godly submission applies still – do not think that once your husband comes to Christ that you are free to chide him. "And they that have believing masters, let them not despise them, because they are brethren; but rather do them service, because they are faithful and beloved, partakers of the benefit. These things teach and exhort." (1 Tim 6:2) If it be true that you are to respect an unbelieving man, how much more so when your husband is also a joint-heir with you in Christ!

If your husband is disobedient or careless, your duty is to pray for him and to seek to win him over to wisdom and obedience through your own chaste and fearful conduct. Your reverent subjection to your husband, your godly fear of his authority, your chaste modesty, your holy manner of life, are to be so genuine, so unique, so compelling that your husband's heart is won over to obedience to Christ without so much as a word from you. Certainly, there will be times when a respectful appeal is appropriate, and with God's wisdom in your quietness, your husband will certainly come to know and value the helpfulness of your counsel. But he should never feel pressed by you, never harassed, never afflicted, never domineered … Never.

Won by the Conversation of the Wife

Given God's guidelines for divorce and separation, and God's stated expectation that you be in subjection to your husband within these guidelines, I suppose it goes without saying that your husband should not be afraid of you, should never find a trace of sharpness in your tongue, no shadow of betrayal or disrespect in your heart. He should never feel disdain nor resentment from you in public or in private in the slightest, more than any master should tolerate from his servant, or what Jesus Christ should endure from His Church.

Though you are much, much more than a mere servant to your husband -- you are his friend, confidant, lover, and dear companion ... indeed, you are one flesh with him! -- yet there is nothing about your closeness to your husband that gives you liberty to molest his heart. While it is quite common today for women to correct, contend with, rebuke, and chide their husbands over the most paltry things, in public and in private, your husband should find this strange when he hears of it. It should not be something he is ever threatened by, or even considers.

The solid loyalty of your heart toward your husband should be unquestioned, passionate, and immovable for the sake of Jesus Christ. It is not that your husband is perfect, or that he does not make mistakes, or that he does not badly miss the mark at times, or that he need deserve this type of honorable treatment from you. He need not act in a becoming way or deserve this place in his home in any degree, any more than you must deserve his love and provision for you.

Truly, you are not trying to earn anything from your husband in your service to him, nor should you demand a reward from him for your work beyond your basic necessities. If you do, anything you receive will be your only reward, and his failure to give you what you demand will merely cause resentment, bitterness, and contention. No, your primary motive in this is to please your Heavenly Father, and you are content with His purpose in you, His provision for you, and His pleasure in you.

When you fail your husband, repent and make it right with him at whatever level the offense. If it were in the privacy of your own heart that you moved against him, keep that between yourself and your God and turn from it in sober prayer. If it were in his absence but involved the children, make sure they are fully aware of your repentance and contrition. If it were with your husband openly, ask his forgiveness and tell him your grief over your sin as soon as you are aware of it. If he comes to you with a grievance over something that escaped your notice, listen with all patience and tender humility to salve an offense or purge a misunderstanding. If it were, God forbid, a public embarrassment of your husband or an open defiance of him in some manner, seek and follow his will in how you should resolve it, and submit yourself to his correction with all meekness.

If your husband is disobedient or careless, your duty is to pray for him and to seek to win him over to wisdom and obedience through your own chaste and fearful demeanor. It is God's job to formally correct him, and God may not choose to use your example in doing so. It is possible that God may not correct him at all in this life, and leave his judgment for the next. Certainly, there will be times when a respectful appeal is appropriate from you, as Sarah fervently appealed to Abraham in the matter of Ishmael (Gen 21:10). However, let it be seldom that your advice is unsolicited, and often that your prayers are silent ones. It goes without saying, clearly, that your husband should never feel pressed by you, never harassed, never afflicted, never controlled, never dominated.

Your Chaste Conversation, Coupled With Fear

As your husband observes your walk with Christ, rather than feeling threatened by you, or harassed, or domineered, he should, "behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear." (1 Pet 3:2) There should be a carefulness and a caution about you concerning your relationship with your husband that is obvious to him. This fearful reverence does not mean that you cannot be warm and intimate as a lover and a friend, but it certainly implies that any froward, presumptuous or contentious spirit must find no place in you at all.

First, you are naturally expected to be chaste. If you are a believer, God is moving you toward cleanliness, sexual purity in mind and body. You are to be discrete, modest, and altogether faithful to your husband. A godly wife gives her husband no cause whatsoever to doubt her purity or the reservation of her love and affection for him alone. Do not discover your physical beauty to another; do not dress yourself in a provocative manner in public, to draw the attention of other men to yourself, yet do not hide yourself from your husband or refuse to open yourself to him when the two of you are alone. Dress in a way that is attractive to your husband and according to his pleasure, but not sensuously before the eyes of other men.

Your chaste appearance must be the outward evidence of an inward chastity in soul and heart. The modest exterior will only be a delight to your God and your husband if it expresses the essence of who you are.

Couple this chastity with godly fear. As we have seen, fear is a primary quality that you are to develop. This is a godly reverence, a gentle quiet submissiveness. It is not a dread, an outright terror or an unhealthy fear, but one that avoids your husband's displeasure, understands his authority and rule in the household and seeks his favor.

Are there areas of your husband's home where you have contentiously usurped his authority? any area at all where your husband dare not move freely without your consent? God forbid! Would you dare treat your Lord Jesus Christ in this manner? Would you contemptuously forbid God's control in any area of His home? require His consent? oppress Him with your self-will? pierce and wound Him with an unholy tongue? I think not.

Do you regularly fashion your agenda without your husband, setting your own priorities and going your own way? Do you not blush at the thought of reprimanding the man God has set over you, if in fact you have ever done so? Do you not grieve at the thought of arguing with him? of resisting him? Of telling him you are too busy to do as he wishes, or that you have other things planned and cannot meet his request? Or even oppressing him and wounding him when you cannot make him cater to your own pleasure? This type of behavior is entirely unacceptable: "Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me." (Matt 25:40) If in any way you have grown callous or disrespectful toward your husband, seek the infusion of the fear, meekness and quietness of the Holy Spirit again from the Father, which is in His sight of great price. Order your heart and spirit continually before the Father of Lights and let Him fill you with the joy of obedience. Do not be found trampling under foot the Son of God.

A Meek And Quiet Spirit

In your servanthood, your attitude should be chaste, obedient, and deeply respectful to your husband. So far from a sharp and condescending tongue, a Christian wife puts on and adorns herself with "the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price." (1 Pet 3:4)

To be meek is to "endure injury patiently and without resentment." (Webster) This is a mildness of manner that makes you difficult to offend, such that you are not easily wounded and hurt in spirit. While women of the world are frequently distressed, discontent, hurt, angry, and quarrelsome ... it is not to be so with you.

A godly woman adorns herself with a holy respect, a godly quietness, a deep sense of the authority and dignity of her husband. Your attitude should be one of cooperative and patient love, humble service, and quiet submission in all things: a quiet spirit. It is a calmness of spirit, one that is not easily undone or unsettled, but one that trusts in the sovereign protection of God generally provided in and through her husband. As this quietness is rooted in the spirit and in the heart, it also affects the tongue.

A woman's tongue is an instrument of great power and a righteous woman will use it with discretion and holiness (Jas 1:26). It is not that you should not speak with your husband freely, for you are very likely more prone to words than he, but you must be deliberate and edifying in your conversation with him. This is so contrary to mindless chatter and verbiage, as you have been oft told is natural and healthy for you. It is as true for you as it is for men, that "in the multitude of words there wanteth not sin, but he that refraineth his lips is wise." (Pr 10:19) "Be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath." (Jas 1:19). Learn to control your tongue, and only speak in a manner that will be edifying to your husband, that you may minister grace to him. (Eph 4:29)

It is in this manner, with a meek and quiet spirit, that you are to adorn yourself. Not merely with gold, pearls, and costly array. You are to be much more concerned with your inward beauty than the outward, adorning yourself with obedience, self-control, and holy quietness. There is no cause for you to put these graces off, but persevere in them day by day by the grace and power of God.

Shamefacedness

In your manner, you are not to be loud and confrontational, you must not be brazen and impudent, you cannot be assertive and aggressive and boisterously talkative or constantly chattering. It is true, your meekness dons a remarkable beauty: shamefacedness. Women are to, "adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety." (1 Tim 2:9) What is this thing: shamefacedness? It is a concept completely lost on our adulterous and sinful generation.

The basic idea, taken simply from a dictionary, is a blushed and tender countenance, as though moved to sober, reverent quietness in the presence of a superior. It appears only here and in Hebrews 12:28-9 where it is translated reverence , "Let us have grace, whereby we may serve God acceptably with reverence and godly fear: for our God is a consuming fire." It is akin to the concept of shame, but need not convey a sense of guilt or necessarily of inferiority. It carries with it an awesomeness, as one perceives in this text in Hebrews, where Moses says, "I exceedingly fear and quake," in reference to God's voice shaking Earth and Heaven. The awesome majesty and splendor of our God, the terror of His power, this will put a blush upon the countenance of every saint of God and hold them speechless and trembling in His holy presence. This is shamefacedness. It will be moved in Woman due to the divine purpose and order in the roles given to Man and Woman, and will spring from a sense of reverence for God's order and His ways.

Shamefacedness is the opposite of careless confidence, of intrusive presumption, of bold familiarity, of confrontational effrontery. It is the blush of Queen Esther as she stands before her king, her husband, and awaits the golden scepter to spare her life for an unsolicited approach to regal authority. It is the meekness of John the Baptist, the greatest mortal born of woman, as he cries out in bewilderment, "I have need to be baptized of thee, and comest thou to me?" (Matt 3:14) It is what we feel in the presence of a holy God when He has lifted the veil of our sinfulness, when we cry with Isaiah, "Woe is me, for I am undone! I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips!" (Is 6:5) It is the humble cry of the perfectly obedient servant, "I am unprofitable, I have merely done that which was my duty to do ." (Lk 17:10) It is the blush of the publican, who would not so much as lift his eyes to heaven, but cries out, "God be merciful to me a sinner!" (Lk 18:13) It is the blush of the woman of God.

This puts an end to the manipulative glare, to the bitter word, to the cutting tongue that women so frequently use to carve their way through life. It brings an end to the froward complaint, the relentless resistance, and the stubborn opposition of the impudent, shameless will of feminism. Shamefacedness is not a mask, not a façade, but the widow to a holy heart, a heart that is broken and contrite, faithful and loving, gentle and meek, quiet, pure, submissive, and genuine. This, my dear sister, is in the sight of God of great price.

Of Great Price

Of what singular beauty is such a shamefaced woman to God? What is it about a godly woman that is so exceedingly precious to Him? This phrase, "of great price," is itself a precious and rare one in the Word of God. It is found descriptive only of three other things in God's Word and all are inanimate: the precious ointment with which Mary anointed the head and feet of Jesus Christ (Mk 14:3, John 12:3), the expensive jewelry which women cherish and with which they adorn themselves (1 Tim 2:9), and the unique pearl "of great price" found by the merchantman seeking goodly pearls. (Matt 13:46) A meek and quiet spirit in a godly woman ranks with these? Yes, it does! Is it then something to be loathed and hated? Is not this an exceedingly precious and practical topic we consider? What brings the God of heaven more delight than a quiet, godly woman, walking in subjection to her husband? Does He delight in what he sees in our homes today? Oh, that wives would carefully follow after this holiness in our homes to bring delights to the heart of God!

After This Manner, In the Old Time

It is in this type of quiet submission that the godly women of old, "adorned themselves, being in subjection to their own husbands." There was no different expectation placed upon wives under what we think of as the old economy than there is what we now call the "new." What God commends in our godly female heritage He looks for in every wife today. He looks to find each one, "being in subjection" (again, hupotasso).

These women of ancient times, "trusted in God," and this is what enabled them to continue in such a godly walk, a walk of subjection that is so precious in the sight of God. They did this in a day when women were bought and sold, when Woman was discounted and belittled. How much more should women of today be willing to walk after God, when the culture is so very much disposed to protecting them and seeing to their welfare!

What makes it so very difficult for any woman to walk in holiness in her home is fear, an ungodly fear, a lack of trust in God. There was more to fear in Sarah's day, more discomfort to shrink from, more danger facing her than facing most any woman today. What can we see by looking closely at her life?

Any casual reading of the life of Abraham, mixed with the slightest bit of imagination, places one next to the sturdy heart of Sarah in the windy sands of the Arabian Desert. God called her husband, in his seventies or eighties, to leave everything they knew, and to venture out into the wilderness ... with no certain provision, no protection, no map ... and no particular destination in mind. Abraham left, with little more than his tent and his sheep, to wander in a strange land, a strange culture ... never to return home to Ur. Sarah left her home, her extended family, her friends, her natural security. She left all she knew and felt comfort in, for the sands and transience of being a nomad ... merely because her husband said so.

Whenever her husband was minded, she would have to pull up the stakes again, pack up the tent again, get her things in order again, and climb back up on some cranky camel or donkey and ride along beside him. She would have to cook out in the open, fighting the blowing sands, the cold and heat, preparing and cleaning and managing a household that was constantly on the move. She would have little of the common comforts of this life ... all because her husband said so ... and for no other reason.

Abraham did not know where he was going, he had no agenda to accomplish when he got there, and he knew no one along the way. He simply said God had called him to leave the extended family and go. She went with him ... and we have no indication that she complained as she did.

Sarah was a very beautiful woman. Should any king or captain see her, or any searching scouts return with a report of her to one, he would want her ... and be willing to kill to have her. It was a dangerous time. There were no police, no secure borders. Roving bands of malicious criminals and pirates marauded and pillaged innocent travelers all the time. Kings did as they pleased with those that passed their way. What would Abraham do? How would he take care of her? What would happen to them? God would have to watch over them. She would have to trust Him.

She did.

Was it easy? Well, Sarah was so beautiful that when anyone important asked Abraham about her, he just said she was his sister... and asked Sarah to go along with it. She did ... hoping it would all work out OK ... she was his half-sister. Abraham was afraid; he was not trusting God, he thought he was saving his own life by doing this.

Once, a mighty foreign king took Abraham's word on this and offered him a lot of money for Sarah. Abraham felt he could not refuse and risk exposing his lie. He sold his dear Sarah to be another man's wife. He did this deliberately and purposefully and completely and permanently ... and waved her good-bye.

How did Sarah deal with this vast failure of her husband? Her husband that was following God and taking her about in the desert all this time?

I don't have any clue.

Was God faithful?

Yes. God was faithful. God plagued the house of this king severely because of the presence of Sarah within it, eventually revealing to the king the true nature of his problem by supernatural means since neither Abraham nor Sarah were willing to expose the lie. The king put Sarah back into her home with Abraham, and he rebuked Abraham for his lie ... and Sarah as well. Sarah got settled back in her home, and forgave her husband.

Then along came another king ... and Abraham sold his lovely wife again.

And God rescued her again.

Neither husband ever touched her ... in God's beautiful providence ... and Sarah eventually became a mother ... after many painful years of waiting and wondering and hoping ... she became the mother of the child of promise.

God never said it would be easy. He just said that He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. God is faithful, Who has called you unto the fellowship of His Son, Jesus Christ our Lord. Obey Him. Trust Him. He is worthy of your trust.

continue

home
site map
top