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Sound Doctrine

Having presented an overview of the wife's role, let us now explore, in depth, God's general direction for a wife in marriage. I trust you will find what I present to be consistent with the entire Word of God as we explore it in detail. If not, please do contact me.

As we seek God's truth, please consider that it is unacceptable to conveniently ignore "difficult" texts and accept apparent inconsistencies in our interpretation of Scripture. Whatever one offers as counsel to married women facing unpleasant marital circumstances must glisten under close inspection and penetrating scrutiny, having the whole of God's revelation backing it. To miss the truth in this fundamental doctrine is to hinder its freeing power and pollute its wholesome benefit. If we are in need of God's pure counsel in any area of life in this day of apostasy and deception, we need it in our marriages... in this most intimate of relationships. The general counsel of the world and of the church most certainly does not withstand such rigor, as I trust you will soon agree.

Submitting One To Another...

One should not begin discussion of such a topic without expecting to hear, "But what about mutual submission? Ephesians 5:21 says, 'Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.'" I have initiated many such conversations, and the comment is made rather frequently.

It is indeed true. The husband certainly is commanded to submit to his wife... in the same way that he is commanded to submit to anyone else in the church -- other men, children and the wives of other men. The context leading up to the command is not the family structure, but the general local community of believers. In particular, however, it is the community of the men within the church to which all of the men should submit themselves. That this is not a blind and unqualified submission in which men abandon the responsibility to think for themselves and provide direction for their families, but a directional calling, would be made quite clear from looking at how the early church actually functioned as recorded in the New Testament. The concept is truly quite foreign to us today, and definitely requires further clarification and refinement, but, to keep it simple, one may think in terms of the church functioning somewhat like a tribe in more primitive cultures, like the Native American. Without digressing too far in that direction, suffice it to say that mutual submission in a community environment is essential. This is clear from the context of the above verse, as well as many others.

Wives, Submit...

Conveniently, the first of our three main passages addressing mutual roles in marriage follows on the heals of the above text. It seems reasonable to begin our in-depth study with here, in Ephesians 5:22-24, 33b. This is perhaps the most commonly referenced passage describing marital roles.

It so happens that the intermediate context, Eph 5:25-33a elaborates more completely upon the role of the husband than any other text in the Bible. Perhaps this is why the text draws significant attention as the key passage on the marriage relationship in the Word of God. The last of the three references, 1^st Peter 3:1-7, reverses the emphasis, elaborating more completely upon the role of the wife and giving much less attention to the husband's role (vs 7); it is all but ignored today (quite loudly in, 10 Lies the Church Tells Women).

In any case, as we shall see, Ephesians is wonderfully rich with God's truth for a wife and it is easily discovered.

22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of
     the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to
     their own husbands in every thing.
...
33b ... and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

This passage is evidently quite direct. God states that the wife is to submit to her husband, acknowledge him as her representative head, and be subject to him... in the same way and to the same extent that the Church is subject to the Lord Jesus Christ Himself. The text concludes by summarizing a wife's proper disposition toward her husband as one of reverence (the Greek is phobeo: literally, "fear").

The evident meaning of the text is understood by those who have no particular interest in feigning obedience to God's Word. Iris Krasnow is such a woman, and is not subtle in her response to God's command, opening her book with the following remark (p 12): "This book is about staying married, and how to transcend the ambiguity and temptations caused by mid-life malaise. Thus the choice of the title, Surrendering to Marriage, a yielding to a spiritual force greater than ourselves. This is not surrendering as in cowering submission to another's will, as preached in this passage from Ephesians (she quotes the above text in full). Surrendering means submitting to your own integrity, to your wedding promise, for the duration."

As the infidel defies this text, so also do many who claim the Bible as their light in life. Despite the directness and simplicity of this text in Ephesians, rather than accepting it at face value as God's will for the wife, common treatment of this passage in evangelical circles is simply to ignore the responsibility of the wife, or to give it scant mention after spending extensive time developing and emphasizing the duty of the husband, which is certainly developed fully in the accompanying text... and making the wife's duty conditional upon her husband's reasonable performance. One can expound at length on the husband's role without concern of rebuke, but any small elaboration upon the roll of the wife, especially by a man, will often be seen as controversial and divisive, an attempt to intellectualize hidden spiritual truths, or simply as chauvinistic and self-serving (which, in truth sadly, is often the case).

However no conditional dependency between the two marital roles is evident in the text, much less any warrant to ignore the duty of the wife. Direction appears to be given independently to spouses regardless of the behavior of the other spouse. If there were any dependency at all in the text, it would appear to rest upon the behavior of the wife: her role and duty is explained initially... as in every case where marital roles are mutually developed.

The fact that the duty of the wife is simply being ignored in modern teaching on marriage can be noted by looking in whatever literature you might find on the subject of marital responsibility and searching for an exposition or explanation of the term subjection , which is the central term in this key passage. I have never seen a thorough treatment of this subject in print.

Further, I have seldom noticed any reasonable attention given to the word reverence in modern commentary or in a public discussion. If it is addressed at all, this concept is most often simply replaced with a much weaker concept: honor. Grammatical or contextual grounds for the replacement are neither given nor sought, and no other reasonable motivation for the exchange is apparent. In short, in my opinion, God's instruction to the wife is simply being ignored in the vast majority of current teaching on marriage. Perhaps, in a few moments, you will more fully appreciate this opinion.

Wives, Submit Yourself Unto Your Own Husbands...

God commands a wife to submit herself to her own husband as unto the Lord. What does this mean?

If it means that a wife should cooperate with her husband in guiding the home and conducting its affairs so long as she thinks he is acting like the Lord Jesus Christ... which I actually heard a wife sincerely propose... then it means nothing. No man is perfect, and if discernment of his legitimacy is left to the arbitrary whim of the wife, she will in effect not ever submit to him unless she happens to approve his way. This understanding of the text strips it of any practicality, rendering it conveniently ineffective and meaningless. If we were to apply such a twisted tact as this to the husband's role... and claim that he is only obligated to love his wife when she is doing what he likes... perhaps the error would become more obvious. Such dishonesty is generally only tolerated when erring toward cultural norms.

I perceive that God has intended something very different than this first emptiness. His instruction has something to do with a wife yielding to the opinion, will or authority of her husband even when he is imperfect... since he evidently is.

Submit then might be taken to merely imply deference to the will or opinion of another much of the time... something that Christians are generally encouraged to do in the communal life of the church. (As we have just seen in Eph 5:21: "Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.") This approach, like the above, would place no common duty upon the wife that is not placed similarly upon her husband, since mutual submission is required among all saints.

This view implies that there is no practical difference in marital roles and responsibilities: neither spouse is ultimately responsible for making decisions affecting the marriage. Ultimately, it implies that there is no concept of submission in the home that differs from submission within the church: a wife should submit to any brother, sister, or child in the church in the same way that she submits to her husband, and likewise for the husband. Hence, neither spouse is personally responsible for the welfare, health or direction of the family... so the family has no structure: husbands have no authority... neither do parents. In this view, family decisions are made by consensus and the God-given authority and responsibility for the marriage is destroyed. This is the most common rendering of the text in modern exposition in my opinion, and it does strip the text of any practical meaning.

Granted, one person can in a mild sense submit to another person without being under the authority of that other person. It is also certainly true that a secondary definition of submit is "to defer to or consent to abide by the opinion or will of another," (Webster) which definition inherently lacks the concept of authority. Certainly, this is the sense in which all Christians are to submit to one another (Eph 5:21).

This secondary understanding of submit might also be a legitimate in this present context were it not for the fact that the wife is instructed to submit to her husband... "in every thing." Further, she is to be subject to her husband in a way that is similar to the subjection of the church to God Himself. This emphasis in the text is significantly problematic to the employment of this secondary definition: there is no sense of "mutual submission" between the church and God.

In some conservative circles it is still taught that a wife should submit to her husband in this secondary sense, but in a manner that is not necessarily required of her husband: the view distinguishes their mutual roles and places ultimate responsibility for their general welfare upon the husband. In this view the wife should generally yield to her husband's opinions and decisions and yield to him most of the time, unless she is in desperate disagreement with him. Surprisingly, while considered quite radically conservative now, this type of submission is perfectly acceptable even to some feminists, so long as it is perceived to be in the best interest of the woman and left, not as a requirement, but merely as an option for the wife if she is so disposed.

A popular feminist heartily promotes this type of submission in her book The Surrendered Wife, claiming that the general submission of the wife to her husband is the fundamental key to a successful and rewarding marriage. She simply instructs wives to refrain from controlling their husbands, to consistently encourage their husbands to do as they think best, and to enthusiastically cooperate with their husbands in everything their husbands wish unless the wife's (anyone's, really) health, safety or emotional sanity is directly threatened.

The author claims, both from personal experience and from successfully helping thousands of unhappily married women turn their marriages completely around, that any woman who is willing to do this -- and has a reasonably sane husband -- can completely transform her marriage into a relatively ideal one by simply following this simple principle. She teaches this concept as a feminist without apology in the face of militant feminism for one simple reason: it works. Women who will do this generally find themselves treated wonderfully by their husbands and are very happy in their marriages... while those who will not are indeed most often quite miserable.

It is very sad to admit the following, but it is true and must be said: in spite of the fact that such counsel works to restore health to troubled marriages with amazing consistency, this counsel is still rejected in most Christian circles with amazing consistency. For whatever reason, our pastors and teachers would rather trample underfoot the plain teaching of God on marriage, ignore the fact that the world has thoroughly tested this counsel and found it robustly effective to bring happiness and wholesomeness, and continue to exalt the stubborn rebellion of women... while blaming husbands for most all domestic chaos. It is a phenomenon that is nearly breathtaking to behold... an ever-apparent witness to the dark insanity pervading our churches and its leadership. Jesus said it very well: when the blind lead the blind both quickly find the ditch. Freely behold here the love of the ditch... the love of darkness... perhaps it is more apparent in this matter of the home than in any other realm.

If one could just get evangelical Christians to even come this far... just far enough in God's direction to function, it would be enough to restore fundamental health to the home and bring great blessing to the church and society. However, moving the church into full obedience, and into the accompanying spiritual power that such obedience brings, requires a more complete revelation of divine principles.

To move beyond this practical earthy notion of submission as the ultimate intention of God's instruction to the wife, one may simply note that the primary definition of submit, according to Webster, is: to yield to governance or authority . This primary aspect of the definition does not at all fit with current Christian thinking on the home, or with feministically acceptable "submission." The concept of the husband having legitimate authority over his wife in marriage as a governor is in fact totally foreign to the western mind.

This primary definition of the word submit, implying an authoritative scope, actually does appear to apply in the husband-wife relationship, as seen in the definition of a stronger English word, subjection, used in English texts of Scripture to define the fundamental duty of the wife.

The word subjection or subject in Eph 5:24 reinforces the idea of the wife yielding to authority vested by God in her husband: "as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands." To be subject is to be under authority or control. The Greek word, hupotasso, generally embodies this idea of being under authority, quite often indicating a subservient-authoritative relationship when it is used in other places in God's Word. It is comprised of hupo meaning under, of inferior position or condition and tasso meaning to arrange in an orderly manner. (Strong)

This word is used to describe how a deacon is to have his children under obedient control: "One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity;" (1 Tim 3:4) how servants are to be fearfully yielded to the will of their masters: "Servants, be subject to your masters with all fear; not only to the good and gentle, but also to the froward;" (1 Pet 2:22) how the entire cosmos has been brought under the dominion Jesus Christ, "Thou hast put all things in subjection under his feet. For in that he put all in subjection under him, he left nothing that is not put under him;" (Heb 2:8a) how all believers are obedient to God, their heavenly Father, pictured in how we reverently submit to our earthly fathers, "Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live?" (Heb 12:9) This word is also used to describe the general disposition required of women in the church: "Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection ." (1 Tim 2:11); "Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law." (1 Cor 14:34) In each case, the context helps us to extend and flesh out the implications of this word subjection. It is this word that God uses to define the primary characteristic of the wife's relationship with her husband.

Finally, the illustrative context of the word subject in Ephesians 5:24 indicates an authoritative relationship between the husband and the wife because the marital relationship is a picture of an authoritative relationship: Jesus Christ has authority over the Church. The wife is to be under the authority and control of her husband in every aspect of their lives together, in the same way... "as the church is subject unto Christ." The context implies that this subjection is of a significantly different nature than that mutual submission enjoined between brethren in Christ (as in Eph 5:21 and 1 Pet 5:5, also hupotasso); the marital relationship may consistently retain the concept of authority and jurisdiction whereas relationships between brothers in Christ may not: "the head of every man is Christ." (1 Cor 11:3a)

Although authoritative relationships exist within each gender, headship applies across the gender boundary rather than within it: "the head of the woman is the man." (1 Cor 11:3b) This is particularly evident in the way that God designed the marital relationship, as boldly illustrated by God in Ephesians 5:24.

There is no matter in heaven or in earth in which the Church is not to be completely subject unto the authority of Jesus Christ with all reverence, fear, and joy. Though she is His bride, even of one flesh with Him, she is His servant and should abide under His explicit control and authority. Jesus Christ is absolute Lord of the Church. Though Jesus Christ loves, protects, ministers to, and serves the Church in an amazingly selfless way, no one can properly say that the divine relationship is a mutually submissive one. The fact that we are one flesh with Christ (Eph 5:30), or that He has called us friends (John 15:15), or that we are in covenant with Him (Heb 12:24) does not mean that our consent is required when He moves, that He is abusive in commanding us, or that we should not passionately and selflessly serve Him and obey His every command. We are to "serve the Lord with fear, and rejoice with trembling." (Ps 2:11, see also Heb 12:28-9) In giving us a context to to support the spirit of His instruction to a wife in her relationship with her husband, I do not see how God could have given us a more radical illustration. He made no effort whatsoever to temper it.

Woman Is the Glory of the Man

The concept of a husband's authority in marriage, suggested in both the authoritative relationship between Christ and the Church and in the definition of hupo: meaning to be of inferior position or condition, is further reinforced by the explicitly stated biblical concept of Man's superior position in divine order: "For a man... is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man." (1 Cor 11:7) Man reflects the glory of God since he is the image and glory of God: Man was created in the image of God, but not Woman. It is never said of Woman that she was made in the image of God. Woman was taken out of Man: she reflects the glory of Man, not the glory of God. This shows us that the woman is of a lesser glory than the man.

This lesser glory is a matter of position, a type of spiritual rank: "But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God." (1 Cor 11:3) In this ranking Woman is beneath Man and subject to him, just as Man is beneath (angels, who are also beneath) Christ and subject to Him, and as Christ is beneath the Father and subject unto Him. As God is the Head of Christ, is positionally greater than He (John 14:28), and directs the work of Christ (John 5:30), and as Christ is the Authority in charge of every man, positionally greater than every man, and the Head of every man, and is Lord of Man, so Man is the head of Woman, positionally greater than she, and has a type of authority over her by God's decree and design.

Woman's very purpose in existence, from an earthly perspective, is defined to be one of ministry and help to Man: "Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man." (1 Cor 11:9, also Gen 2:18) Woman is thus of an inferior glory, in a subordinate position and in a subservient role to Man in the order of Creation. Each of these concepts is certainly brutally offensive to feminism... and subject to the sad abuses of proud self-serving men.

This superior rank of Man is certainly not a matter of eternal spiritual worth or value. It may even be temporary... though Christ's subordinate relationship to the Father is evidently timeless, as well as the angelic position... suggesting that both the angelic-human and male-female differences may also be timeless. It is evidently not merely conincidental that all twenty-four names embedded in the fabric of New Jerusalem are distinctly masculine, Rev 21:12-14). The odds of this occuring by chance are about 1 in 17 million. It was evidently deliberate.

If a Woman Vow  A Vow

In confirmation of the authoritative aspects of the marriage relationship, the authority of a husband in the home is profoundly illustrated in the fact that God allows him to intervene in his wife's spiritual life in a practical way, covering her, protecting her, and partially managing her spiritual walk. The exact same principle is applied between a father and his daughter as between a husband and his wife. This power is given to Man by God as His authority in the home and is explained in Numbers 30. The entire chapter is as follows:

  1 And Moses spake unto the heads of the tribes concerning the children
     of Israel, saying, This is the thing which the LORD hath commanded.
  2 If a man vow a vow unto the LORD, or swear an oath to bind his soul
     with a bond; he shall not break his word, he shall do according to all that
     proceedeth out of his mouth.
  3 If a woman also vow a vow unto the LORD, and bind herself by a bond,
     being in her father's house in her youth;
  4 And her father hear her vow, and her bond wherewith she hath bound
     her soul, and her father shall hold his peace at her: then all her vows
     shall stand, and every bond wherewith she hath bound her soul shall
     stand.
  5 But if her father disallow her in the day that he heareth; not any of her
     vows, or of her bonds wherewith she hath bound her soul, shall stand:
     and the LORD shall forgive her, because her father disallowed her.
  6 And if she had at all an husband, when she vowed, or uttered ought out
     of her lips, wherewith she bound her soul;
  7 And her husband heard it, and held his peace at her in the day that he
     heard it: then her vows shall stand, and her bonds wherewith she bound
     her soul shall stand.
  8 But if her husband disallowed her on the day that he heard it; then he
     shall make her vow which she vowed, and that which she uttered with
     her lips, wherewith she bound her soul, of none effect: and the LORD
     shall forgive her.
  9 But every vow of a widow, and of her that is divorced, wherewith they
     have bound their souls, shall stand against her.
10 And if she vowed in her husband's house, or bound her soul by a bond
     with an oath;
11 And her husband heard it, and held his peace at her, and disallowed her
     not: then all her vows shall stand, and every bond wherewith she bound
     her soul shall stand.
12 But if her husband hath utterly made them void on the day he heard
     them; then whatsoever proceeded out of her lips concerning her vows, or
     concerning the bond of her soul, shall not stand: her husband hath made
     them void; and the LORD shall forgive her.
13 Every vow, and every binding oath to afflict the soul, her husband may
     establish it, or her husband may make it void.
14 But if her husband altogether hold his peace at her from day to day;
     then he establisheth all her vows, or all her bonds, which are upon her:
     he confirmeth them, because he held his peace at her in the day that he
     heard them.
15 But if he shall any ways make them void after that he hath heard them;
     then he shall bear her iniquity.
16 These are the statutes, which the LORD commanded Moses, between a
     man and his wife, between the father and his daughter, being yet in her
     youth in her father's house.

Adam Was First Formed

These general concepts apply across all racial, religious, cultural and chronological boundaries based upon the order of God in Creation: " Adam was first formed, then Eve." (1 Tim 2:13) God presents to us this principle, that Adam was formed first, before Eve, as evidence of divine order and the reason for different requirements in both the public and private conduct of men and women. I am not aware that the implications of the timing of the first husband and wife have been given adequate attention in recent times, and it appears that this neglect is related in some way to the blurring of gender-based functions and roles in the church and home. God evidently intends for us to see great significance in His order in Creation as a principle to guide the behavior of women in both public and private domains. How is it that God expects us to see such significance in the fact that Adam was first formed? Perhaps we do well to ponder this deeply for a moment. With a little imagination, we find some interesting possibilities.

In the dawn of the sixth day God forms Man of the dust of the ground, breathes into him the breath of life, defines him as a Man and gives him a personal name: Adam. Adam becomes a living soul... the only earthly creature named by God in this manner (as far as we know)... and begins at once to commune with his Maker.

Adam and God enjoy a rich time of experience together as God introduces Adam to his new surroundings, perhaps even giving him a global tour -- a bird's-eye perspective of what he is soon to govern.

God plants a splendid garden and places Adam within it, causing every kind of plant to grow for him, plants beautiful to behold and delicious to eat. Perhaps Adam names all of these plants, as ruler of this virgin earth, as he will soon name all of the birds and the beasts when God presents them to him. Whatever Adam calls any living thing... it is.

God gives Adam his work: he will husband the garden... dressing it and keeping it groomed. This will be his home, the place where God will commune with him and enjoy the fruit of his creative labor with him. God also plants two special trees in the midst of the garden: the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil... and the Tree of Life. These are named by God and are not subject to Adam's dominion. These are evidently the only beings beyond the authoritative scope of Adam, they have a spiritual nature in them that is other-worldly; perhaps they represent God's ultimate sovereignty in the universe, over the earth and over Adam. He gives Adam the first command, and warns him of the consequence of sin.

God, in communion with Adam, perhaps as they observe together the workings and wonder of Creation, the ecosystem, the water cycle, the sun and moon and stars, all of the birds and beasts... eventually reveals to Adam His intention to create a helper for him. They discuss the topic and begin to consider the nature appropriate for such a helper. God proceedes to make anew each kind of beast that roams the fields and each type of bird that graces the air, brings each one to Adam for review and accepts his reaction as they commune together in rich exploration and discernment. Adam names each animal appropriately but rejects each one as a suitable help mate. Man is reasoning, judging, applying creativity and wisdom in working with his Maker... anticipating the nature and appearance of his new mate. A rich experience is being planted in him during this time that he enjoys only with God... Woman does not yet exist, though she is certainly being discussed at length, conceptually at least.

Finally, some time on the sixth day, perhaps quite late in the day, after exhausting all external possibilities in their mutual search for a mate for Man, Woman is finally fashioned and brought to Adam. God makes her while Adam is asleep. When he awakes... she is the one type of being he has not yet seen... this is what he and God have been pondering together, anticipating for most of the day. God brings the new creature to Adam, just as He has all of the other creatures, to see what Adam's reaction will be.

God does not name His new work, acting as He has with all of His other creatures. As has been His pattern, God presents this last creature to Adam for his review, just as He has all of the other animals. As far as we know, this creature has no independent definition or purpose, she has only design and potential -- and she has never heard a spoken word: the first word she will experience will be from her husband... the one who will give her purpose by either accepting or rejecting her, himself being the one she is so well designed to help.

When Adam sees his mate next to God, he immediately recognizes her as his perfect companion, more wonderful and beautiful than he had imagined. He enthusiastically receives her as his companion and helper -- and instinctively yet thoughtfully names her... just as he has all of the other created beings. He has already been taught that he is lord of all, that he has dominion over all. He knows deep within that this is Woman, uniquely his, taken from him and made just for him: he names her Woman, accepting her as his own. (Gen 2:23) Adam defines her and gives her purpose as he names her, knowing who she is and why she is. Adam also gives his wife a personal name, Eve, just as God has named him. (Gen 3:20) Adam receives his wife and gives her a unique identity with himself. She is part of him, one with him. She finds her purpose and her identity in relation to her husband. God calls them both together, simply, Adam. (Gen 5:2)

Adam communes with Eve as he has communed with his Maker, evidently discerning that his mate knows nothing of what has transpired before her creation, and realizing that he must do for her as God has done for him. He eventually takes her on a tour of the Garden, teaches her the names of the plants and the animals, and carefully explains the vital restriction of the forbidden tree.

Adam has become his wife's mentor, teacher and protector... introducing her to her new world because he was there first and gave much of it identity. He has already had vast experiences with his God that she has not known, and he shares his understanding with her as they become one.

The whole arrangement and timing of their creation, as well as the express purpose of her creation, gives order to their marriage relationship. When God returns after the Fall to continue His communion with the newly wed couple, He calls to them by calling to Adam as a man, as the representative head of his home. Adam's precedence and prerogative and responsibility upon the earth is clear, and predates sin.

God would have us see and accept the precedence of Man in the order of created things. Man's precedence and position and prerogative in the divine order predates the Law, and even the Fall. There is nothing "cultural" about its applicability today. It applies in society, in government, in the Church, and in the home. It is a matter of authority and precedence and function. A feminist is, by definition in my opinion, one who does not understand, accept, obey and value this concept.

Despising Dominion

To violate the concept of a husband's authority in the home, to detest it, or to resent it is a profoundly wicked thing. The order of created beings, including the husband's position of authority over his wife, is of great significance in the spiritual realm.

Its importance can be seen in the interaction between angelic beings, which are also part of the divine order and submit to it, being above Man and below Christ. Within this order the angels respect the higher position of one very wicked being... none other than Satan himself... who yet retains an exalted position in the divine order.

All men are of an inferior position to all angels (Heb 2:7a: "Thou madest him a little lower than the angels"), and therefore to Satan in the divine order, and must deeply respect him for that reason. Very few understand or walk in this truth today, in this day of unbridled rebellion, bringing upon themselves great wrath. Such frowardness was common in the early church as well. Consider the following text in Jude:

  8 Likewise also these filthy dreamers defile the flesh, despise dominion, and speak
     evil of dignities.
  9 Yet Michael the archangel, when contending with the devil he disputed about the
     body of Moses, durst not bring against him a railing accusation, but said, The Lord
     rebuke thee .
10 But these speak evil of those things which they know not: but what they know
     naturally, as brute beasts, in those things they corrupt themselves.
11 Woe unto them! for they have gone in the way of Cain, and ran greedily after the
     error of Balaam for reward, and perished in the gainsaying of     Core.
12 These are spots in your feasts of charity, when they feast with you, feeding themselves
     without fear: clouds they are without water, carried about of winds; trees whose fruit
     withereth, without fruit, twice dead, plucked up by the roots;
13 Raging waves of the sea, foaming out their own shame; wandering stars, to whom is
     reserved the blackness of darkness for ever.

One of the highest angels in the heavenly ranks, Michael the archangel, still respects the dignity of the position of Satan, who apparently still has the highest angelic position in the cosmos, being under God second only to Christ Himself, such that Michael will not personally rebuke Satan nor speak with him in a disrespectful manner.

Clearly, Satan retains a position in God's established order that is completely independent of his character and disposition. Even so, ignorant men and women trample such divinities under foot. They despise the concept of dominion in any aspect of divine order, and are not afraid to speak evil of those in higher positions than themselves.

Those who despise God's order in creation, as any feminist will by definition, despise Him: "He therefore that despiseth, despiseth not man, but God, who hath also given unto us his holy Spirit." (1 Thess 4:8) God does not speak well of such sinners, especially those who pollute the church of God: "Woe unto them!" This principle certainly applies to domestic order as an integral component of the whole scope of divine order.

The principle of a wife being subject to her husband as an authority figure, of her being fearfully reverent toward him in the same way that the Church is under the authority of Jesus Christ and honors Him, is seldom if ever mentioned, even in the most conservative settings. The concept is not very well understood, taught, or accepted in our culture today and one will certainly find this idea to be generally rejected. This is the one aspect of God's design in marriage that is the most offensive to feminism: it is intolerable to feminists. Even so, the Church should not be silent about it, or refuse to speak of this as a topic in its own right. There can be no legitimate question here, in my opinion, that God has intended for the husband to have formal authority over his wife.

These distinct roles in marriage for the husband and wife are not a matter of differing human value or worth: God does not love or value men more than women. Christ is equal in value to God (Phil 2:6), but of a lesser position and totally subject to Him in divine headship. Christ does not personally prefer or receive anyone to Himself based on gender -- in Christ there is neither male nor female. (Gal 3:28) What is clear is this: God has given husbands and wives distinct, clear, unique positions and roles in the home, in the church, and in society. Subjection uniquely defines and characterizes the woman's role, and implies that the wife should obey her husband and fear his displeasure, honoring him as her leader and representative. These respective positions and roles are to be received in earnest, heartfelt thanksgiving and fulfilled as unto Him.

"Shall the thing formed say to Him that formed it, 'Why hast thou made me thus?'" (Rom 9:20) No. Certainly not. God is the Creator. The creature stands silent before the Creator. God has placed Man as the head of Woman, and has defined Woman's place in the home, in the church, and in the culture as that of a follower, that of a servant, that of a helper. Woman is to meekly receive this role and fulfill it as unto her Creator.

Under Obedience

General teaching given to all women is consistent with this submissive, reverential demeanor. A woman is to be "under obedience" in public assembly as well as in the home, in a sense that is different than that required of a man. The Law of God is clear, "Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak, but they are commanded to be under obedience (hupotasso), as also saith the law ." (1 Cor 14:34) Being "under obedience" is equivalent to subjection and consistent with holy shamefacedness.

Note first that this command is given to the men of the church concerning the conduct of "their" women. Women are not even addressed directly when giving order to the church... the men are told how their women are to behave. In this command, women are referenced as belonging to and under the authoritative jurisdiction of men and are not addressed as part of the decision making body of the church. God addresses the men concerning how women should conduct themselves in public. The men, in turn, must pass this instruction on to their respective women.

Further, this directive of God explicitly requires women to refrain from public speech in the assembly of believers. This command is more than a call to a common courtesy applying to all believers; it is a call for women in particular to be subordinate to the men of the assembly in the context of divine order. God says the same thing repeatedly in three different ways here: He says it positively -- women are to keep silence ; negatively -- it is not permitted unto them to speak; and in conclusive summary -- they are commanded to be under obedience. The command is given both as a common natural law and also as a formal legal requirement. How could this principle possibly be stated with more clarity, directness or strength? I cannot see how it may be done more clearly.

Even so, the command is ignored in most assemblies today, as if this were an aberration of some ancient administrivia. Apparently, modern feminists feel that being in subjection implies a disvaluing of woman and an encouragement to unhealthy weakness. However, this is neither a contempt for the value of women nor an attempt to bring her into weakness -- this is a call for Woman to yield her strength to divine control.

No mature Christian is weak in Christ, whether brother or sister. No, this is not weakness nor sickliness described here, but vibrant and wholesome submission to the will of God in the home and abroad. The godly wife is "under obedience," continually subject to the rule of her husband and other authority, and content to function in it. She is quiet, compliant, cooperative and helpful in any matter legitimately directed or initiated by her husband.

Silence is found in godly women in the presence of those leading the assembly of the saints; even when there is a question they would like to ask, godly wives will "ask their husbands at home, for it is a shame for women to speak in the church." (1 Cor 14:35) This expression of the subjection of women in the church and in the home is repeatedly and abundantly made clear in God's Word. "Let the woman learn in silence, with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression." (1 Tim 2:11-14) She is not to be leading, teaching, directing, coaching, manipulating, criticizing, mocking, interrupting, challenging, or even publicly inquiring or interjecting her opinion in the open meetings of the church. The woman is simply to learn in silence.

While it is certainly appropriate for a woman to participate in public prayer and singing (Ex 15:20-21, Judges 5:1, 1 Cor 11:5), to offer personal testimony in the church (John 4:29, Matt 28:10), to offer appropriate comments and insights during personal discipleship and saintly communion in the presence of men (Acts 18:26), and to offer her opinion and counsel in difficult situations when approached by others for it (Judges 4:4-5) it is also abundantly clear that she is to continually maintain an attitude of quiet meekness and cooperative helpful submission, certainly not imposing herself as an authoritative or forceful presence in the assembly of the saints (or in the presence of any man) or seeking to initiate, direct or correct the flow of worship, exhortation or teaching in the congregation. In any mixed group, silence is to be her general choice and humble reverent subjection is to characterize her general disposition and demeanor.

... As Unto the Lord

Dear wife, this submissive disposition, this fearful reverence that you are to maintain before your husband, in heart, in word and in deed, is not a light thing nor a superficial and casual tendency. You are to earnestly and deliberately "submit yourself unto your own husband as unto the Lord."

This God-honoring motive is perhaps the single-most important facet to remember in all of God's instruction to you. The fact is plain: your husband does not deserve this reverential treatment. He never will. The Lord Jesus Christ deserves it; every thing that you do to your husband or for him is done as unto Jesus Christ and for Him. Remember that He -- Jesus Christ -- is the primary recipient of your attitude and ministry in the home... not your husband.

Jesus Christ is your heavenly Lord, and He has given you an earthly governor to minister to as unto Him. Not with eye-service, as a man-pleaser, only outwardly concerned for your husband's pleasure while under his inspection, but always from your hear, as unto the Lord Himself, whether your husband is about or not.

Such godly motivation is earnest and sincere and persistent, actively seeking the will of your husband in every thing and looking to please him in all things. It goes beyond a grudging compliance with commands, or a careless ignorance of his good pleasure; it is a deliberate seeking of your husband's will. What is it that your husband wants of you? That is your duty, and should be your daily pleasure.

Does your husband want you at home, or working outside the home? Be where he would have you to be. Do not usurp his authority because you think you know better. Submit to him even if you think he is being unwise, and pray fervently for him.

Does he desire physical intimacy with you in some manner which you find unpleasant, at times or seasons that are not convenient, or more frequently than you find comfortable? That is his right and you should not deny him. Do all that you are able to do to please and satisfy him, and seek God for grace to do it joyfully, passionately, aggressively, willingly, and heartily. This is fundamental to your calling in God. You do not have authority over your own body in marriage; you belong to your husband. (1 Cor 7:4a) Render unto him due benevolence, loving kindness, and sincere intimacy as frequently as he desires and according to his pleasure.

Does your husband like your company when he is fishing? at a football game? on the golf green? camping? Go with him. You are his companion, called alongside him to commune with him, minister to him, encourage him, and comfort him. Become acquainted with his interests, become aware of his concerns, share his dreams and his hopes. Be quick to share his burdens and carry them with him. Encourage him and promote him. Be one with him in work and rest and play as much as he desires and as you find that you are able.

Does he wish to employ your daily creative efforts in home schooling your children? Do your very best to train and educate his children as would please him in all diligence and wisdom. Be where he calls you, doing whatever is his pleasure. Your service to him is as unto Christ; resist your husband only as you find it righteous to resist the Lord Jesus Christ Himself.

Does your husband want your hair long? Does he like it short? Does he find your dress immodest, or unappealing? Does he find your makeup loud? gaudy? too light? What is his pleasure? Correct it with his guidance if it is of any concern to him at all. You are to be discrete and chaste, pure and upright, altogether godly and virtuous. Make yourself as attractive in his eyes as you are able. You are his representative in the home and in the culture. If your appearance is of any concern to him, yield to his discretion and seek his pleasure. He should not find any trace of discomfort in your appearance or in how you conduct yourself in public.

Is the home too messy? Or are you spending too much time over-cleaning it? What is your lord's pleasure? That is your way.

Seek to know your husband's will in every matter that you can know it. Seek His pleasure and find his will, as though it were God's will for you: it is... unless your husband's intent for you is plainly sinful. This is your primary calling in God.

There is nothing outside the bounds of your Heavenly Lord's domain in your life, thus nothing outside the scope of your husband's legitimate concern: you obey your husband in all things even as unto the Lord: He has plainly said... "in every thing." (Eph 5:24) Count your husband's will as the will of your heavenly Master in all things, so long as your husband is not forcing you contrary to the plain commands of God. Obey your husband in reverence and godly fear, not grudgingly, but heartily, as to the Lord. Be faithful, dear one, in your service to your King, by serving your husband as a king.

The Husband Is the Head of the Wife

"The husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands..." (Eph 5:23-24a) As Christ, the Head of the Church, owns His bride and all that she is, rightfully ordering her conduct and service, so does your husband have at his disposal all of your ability as a woman in Christ. This, essentially, is the nature of servanthood. Your energy and skill, your talents and industry, your wisdom and gifting are all of God and are given to you for the purpose of ministering to the man He made you for, the man God Himself has set over you as your head.

Your husband is your head; he is, "the head of the wife." As such, he owns you; all of what you have and are belongs to him as his property, his domain... even as Christ owns the church. Your husband is responsible for his ordering of your life and where you spend your time. As your head, under whom you are placed as a subject, your husband rules over you as part of his household. (Esther 1:22, 1 Tim 3:4,12)

The head rules the body. The arms and legs and feet and hands, they all work in harmony with the head. Bodily members have no disconnected will of their own but are an extension of the mind and will found in the head. The body is the servant of the head in any healthy individual, being instantly and willingly at the disposal of the mind. When there is unity between the head and the body there is tremendous agility, mobility and strength. When there is any disconnect at all between them, the whole body is weakened and incapacitated... paralyzed – "A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones." (Pr 12:4) A rebellious woman incapacitates a man much like a broken neck... or very brittle bones in the body, which buckle painfully under the weight of any mild strain. No man can function sanely in this condition. It is this way in the human body, between Christ and His Church, and between the husband and his wife.

As your head, your husband has stewardship over you in all things, and is responsible to God for how he governs you and for the manner in which you are occupied. If he gives you liberty and bids you to occupy according to your own judgment in areas wherein he has no preference, then seek the Lord's pleasure directly in these things and be accountable directly unto Him. Otherwise, there is nothing about you that you may reserve for yourself, any more so with your husband than with your Lord in the heavens. You are dead to yourself, denying yourself and taking up your cross daily. You do your husband good and not evil, all the days of your life together. Do this as unto Christ, in your love for Him, and He will reward you. Your husband also will praise you. (Pr 31)

This responsibility the husband bears in his stewardship of your time and energy is not an explicit thing, but implied as you, in your submission to Christ, make yourself available to him as a resource. Certainly, a husband is not ultimately responsible for his wife's behavior in any legalistic sense. (Rom 12:14) Neither is a husband in any sense justified in forcing his wife to submit to him or in coercing or manipulating her. If he ever does so it is expected that most any woman will resent this as an unreasonable intrusion and respond negatively. However, as you submit yourself to obey Christ and seek to know and fulfill your husband's will, this implies a natural responsibility on his part to direct your helpfulness in a godly way and provide appropriate guidance and direction for you. This response in your husband will be your primary means of direction in a healthy relationship.

In addition, it is evident that a godly wife will also see things that her husband needs that are not communicated directly by himself, things revealed directly to her by the Lord via that extra-special perceptivity God usually gives to Woman. A devout woman will undoubtedly perceive things that her husband may not be able to perceive or understand; Father will reveal to a prayerful wife ways in which she can lovingly assist her husband to become all that God intends for him to be, and this direction will not be revealed directly by her husband. However, such ministry will never be something that irritates or grieves or discourages her husband, and will never contradict or undermine the direction provided explicitly through him. The idea is certainly not contentious manipulation, but loving completion and humble influence in her husband's life.

Every man has his blind spots, weaknesses of which he is unaware, sins and bondages of various kinds that limit his effectiveness for Christ and his husbanding of his wife; a faithful wife will be alert and sensitive to such things in order to protect her husband and lift him up. It is not her job to point out her husband's weaknesses explicitly, but to quietly minister to him as the Lord leads her. God has given her as an appropriate helper to her husband and her husband needs her... he is not all that God intends for him to be alone without her, and therefore cannot provide ALL of the direction she needs in her ministry for him... she must primarily seek wisdom and grace from the Lord to understand and perceive her husband's needs at all levels and for the strength to meet those needs in a godly manner.

There is certainly mutual dependence in this relationship (1 Cor 11:11): independent dictatorship on the part of the husband is certainly not the healthy norm intended by God. If the husband flaunts his authority in a demeaning dictatorial manner and resents his wife's help in areas where he is weak, he obviously damages and limits himself, as well as degrades his wife. Intrusive disrespectful, suspicious micromanagement of the wife is likewise destructive. Many men may be prone to this at times and this is certainly not a good thing. It is not an excuse for women to rebel, but cause for earnest prayer. It is easy to perceive that marriage will only work ideally when both the husband and wife submit to and follow God's pattern. Do your part in faithfulness to Christ and pray diligently for your husband that God will perform the same in him according to His pleasure.

This is the context of being a servant to your husband. You belong to your husband even as both of you belong to Christ. In every way that the Church is owned by and is devoted to the Lord Jesus Christ, find it so in your heart toward your husband.

In Every Thing

It is certainly natural for the carnal mind to arbitrarily limit the extent of the wife's yieldedness to her husband's desire. Many would claim that the examples and application given above are extreme and illegitimate, cultish and unsettling. However, God places a conclusive phrase at the end of His instruction to the wife to specifically develop this end: "As the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing." (Eph 5:24) It cannot be stated more cleanly. There is no matter in heaven or in earth in which the Church is not to be completely subject unto Jesus Christ with all reverence and joy. His call to His bride includes suffering for His name's sake... He never promises her pleasure and ease. Even so there is no area of a wife's life in which she is not to yield to the will of her husband and to seek to please him, regardless of the difficulty or discomfort, unless he is directing her to violate an explicit command of God. There is no more room for a wife to maintain a resistant disposition toward her husband than there is for the Church to resist Jesus Christ. It cannot be said in the English tongue with more direct clarity than God has just said it.

A reverent, devoted, submissive, quiet heart will not correct, rebuke, resist, defy, disdain, or disregard her husband. She will not be casually remiss in obeying his intent in any manner of her service to him. A reverent wife will be attentive to the needs and desires and interests and ideas of her husband as a first and singularly primary priority. There is no distraction or worldly interest that moves her from his side or calls for her attention unless he bids her leave. All of her time belongs to her husband, and she is busy about those things that are pleasing to him. She will sacrifice her own interests and pleasure for his, and dedicate all of her energy and creativity to pleasing her husband as much as she possibly can in righteousness. She will listen carefully to his instructions, respectfully consider his opinions, and meekly receive his rebuke and correction. There is no inconvenience or discomfort that she is unwilling to endure for him, in seeking his welfare, lifting him up, encouraging him, and ministering to him. God will never reprimand a woman for serving her husband too much, making him too happy, or being too good to him, so long as there is no direct violation of any explicit command of God. Her service to her husband cannot be too great, any more than her service to God can be too great. They are one and the same... she is to submit to her husband, "as unto the Lord."

However, obviously, we may not press this picture too, too far. The husband is not Jesus Christ and there is a very significant difference between a mortal sinful husband and the living God. The husband is not Christ to his wife. Certainly, there are some extreme cases where a wife should not walk according to her husband's wishes. It is clear that a wife is to maintain her ultimate allegiance to Jesus Christ and to refrain from cooperating with her husband when he is encouraging blatant sin. Incidents such as described in Acts 5, where Ananias and Saphira his wife agreed together to lie to the church, indicate that a wife is morally responsible for her own decisions regardless what her husband wishes.

Saphira was aware of her husband's intention to deceive the church and she agreed to support him in his deception instead of making an appeal to her husband to refrain from the sin and refusing to participate in it herself. While she should not have tried to actually prevent her husband in his plan if he chose to persist in it, which would have been to assert authority over him or to become insubordinate, she should certainly not have personally approved of the plan nor should she have participated in it. When questioned by Peter as to how much money her husband had obtained from the sale of their land, Saphira had a decision to make: to tell the truth or to lie. She should have told the truth. When she lied to Peter according to the sinful agreement she had made with her husband Peter pronounced judgment upon her and God struck her dead, as He had her husband moments before.

When a husband encourages behavior that is blatantly wicked, sinful, or immoral, the wife should voice her objection in a meek and quiet manner, refuse to engage in the sinful behavior herself, and pray fervently for her husband. If the sin is of such a nature that God would grant her freedom from her husband and marriage because of it -- as in the case of incest, abandonment, or extreme violence, it is reasonable to expect a wife to take practical and appropriate steps to actually prevent her husband from continuing in his sin. Apart from this extreme, a godly wife will act in her husband's best interests, encourage him in righteousness, subject herself to his authority in her life for Jesus' sake, and serve him well in loving humility and reverence.

The Wife See That She Reverence Her Husband

A wife's fundamental disposition in marriage is to be one of reverence toward her husband. This is key: "The wife see that she reverence her husband." (Eph 5:33b) This reverence is a deep respect, a humble quiet fear, a reverential awe, a gentle honoring of her husband. Reverence suggests a self-denying acknowledgment of what has an intrinsic and inviolate claim to respect. (Webster)

A wife is to "see" that she reverences her husband. That is, she is to make a diligent and careful effort to maintain a respectful mind and heart toward him at all times. This is, by definition, a matter of the heart, not something that can be mechanized or put on for show. Of the abundance of the heart one's mouth will speak... or refrain from speaking, as the case may be. A wife is to talk softly in her husband's home... speaking softly and reverently. It is not a casual or light thing for a wife to be disrespectful, irreverent, or condescending with her husband in thought, word, or in deed. It is a grievous sin.

The Greek word here for reverence is actually phobeo, meaning to be frightened or alarmed. (Strong) This fear is a true fear, rooted in a wife's respect for her husband's authority, causing her to be deeply concerned when she is cause for any displeasure in her husband. This reverence moves her to be careful to please her husband in her general demeanor and to obtain and maintain his regular approval of her choices and behavior. Her fear is legitimately derived from her husband's right to require obedience from anyone under his authority and to correct anyone in his home who violates his commands or disrespects his position.

And what place does fear have in modern evangelical teaching on the home? Absolutely none, frankly. Yet godly fear is the over-riding disposition that God directs women to retain in the marital relationship. What we find, sadly and consistently, is that modern marital counselors and teachers have largely missed the mark concerning God's plan for the home.

Honestly, in my opinion, there can be no mistake here, friend. God's Word is very plain to anyone who is willing to receive this truth. The principles being elaborated upon are timeless and godly, neither miss-translations nor the perverse disputings of corrupt minds. A wife's fearful reverence for her husband is not optional, it is commanded. The command is not dependent on the husband's obedience or holiness. The husband's love is not positioned as a necessary context in which a wife is to relate to her husband, neither will any other lack in her husband's demeanor diminish her duty. Reverence is truly of a singular, unconditional priority in a wife's relationship with her husband. The word phobeo is generally translated "fear," "afraid," yet here uniquely in an encouragement to every married woman in her walk with her husband: "reverence."

Reverence is akin to fear, being much deeper than admiration or even honor, yet consistent with such a heart, and blends nicely with the other dispositions promoted in women: the "chaste conversation coupled with fear," (1 Pet 3:2) the " ornament of a meek and quiet spirit," (1 Peter 3:4), being "under obedience," (1 Cor 14:34) "shamefacedness, and sobriety." (1 Tim 2:9) Reverence is a disposition that orders a wife's heart as she yields to her husband's pleasure and will, as she protects his interests, lifts him up and edifies him. It should permeate all that a wife does and all that she is as a servant of Jesus Christ in her marriage. Dear sister, as a daughter of Abraham, see to it that you reverence your husband.

In a final comment in this first text of Ephesians, let me say plainly, lest perhaps I be misunderstood, and to counter the inevitable misrepresentation that is so handily nurtured here, that as a wife you are not being called to a loss of your individuality as you subject yourself to your husband. Truly you are a unique and precious individual in Christ. In her subjection to Jesus Christ the Church does not lose her unique identity, her infinite value, and her intrinsic individual character. A godly wife does not stop thinking, worshiping, praying, and feeling deeply as a unique individual in Christ, and she is not being called to a slavish neglect of her personal dignity as a servant of God while she serves her husband. There are also times when submission to her husband's will is sinful: a wife retains moral responsibility before God, just as her husband does, and should never participate in blatant sin.

The illustration of the Church's subjection to Christ shows how there must be a hearty desire for unity and communion and a general tendency towards compliance in a wife's disposition toward her husband, but there is nothing about God's call to you as a wife that degrades you or infers that you should be treated... or treat yourself... like an animal. As a servant of Jesus Christ, you are infinitely precious and ultimately designed for and created for Him, for God, to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever. Your husband being your head does not imply that you are not a unique and fully functional and valuable person in your own right or that you are not morally responsible for your own decisions in life; it implies that your womanhood is to be centered in ministry to your husband for God's sake.

This first text in Ephesians is certainly rich with instruction to every wife. Though it touch relatively lightly upon her role in comparison to the emphasis placed on the husband's role, there is profound and abundant direction given to any married woman who is willing to receive it. It is instruction that she will only find in the pages of the Bible... and I suppose perhaps also in this present work... if I have somehow managed to be faithful; she will not generally find this in literature available today... even that promising to faithfully relate the biblical principles of the home.

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